10 Steps to Use Workplace Conflict to Your Advantage

Is there such a thing as a good fight? The willingness to embrace conflict and turn a bad fight into a good one is a hallmark of a great leader. And if you want to learn, there are steps you can take to help turn negative conflicts into creative opportunities.

1) Don’t Despair, Prepare!

First, and most importantly, know that sometimes it’s best to walk away from conflict. Know your ‘exit point’ -– the point at which it makes more sense to walk away from a conflict than it does to work to manage the issue. There are times that it will be your best option.

Everyone has their own style of dealing with conflict. Understand the different styles, identify yours and the styles of your team. Learn to appreciate the diverse styles of others, assume leadership when conflicts arise, and value the creative spark that conflicts can kindle.

2) Follow the Yellow Brick Road

What is your goal? If you can agree on a common goal – to creatively solve a problem, to generate a new idea or to sell more products -– you’ll have a better chance of harnessing the conflict. Sometimes the root of a conflict is that you don’t even agree on what the problem is -– or that you’re struggling to address different issues.

3) Reveal, Don’t Conceal

You must agree -– at least some extent -– to be vulnerable, to reveal why you want something, and to declare what’s really important to you about an issue. When we’re in conflict, we always have a story – usually one that justifies our proposed solution. Listen and try to understand the other person’s story. If the other person won’t reveal their needs or interests, ask open-ended questions and look for clues.

4) Tackle the Problem , Not the Person

Focus on the problem and persuade the other person to join you in solving the problem. Make the problem your common enemy rather than blaming the other person for causing the problem. Try and discourage conflicts from becoming personal.

5) Play Within Bounds

Sometimes conflicts are caused by process problems rather than substantive issues. If the other person remains difficult, start talking more about standards and procedures than about the problem. This can help you creatively manage a conflict that seems like an unmovable object.

6) Stir Up a Storm

Brainstorm -- welcoming all suggestions -- then sort through them all and determine which ones merit further study. Many of us fall in love with our solutions and decide that our idea is the only possibility. The best resolution for all concerned may not be the one we had previously discussed.

7) Take a Time Out

Classic advocates of creative conflict management have used this move throughout history. Martin Luther King Jr. suggested we “go to the mountain” during conflict to gain the higher ground and a better perspective on the problem. Gandhi retreated to meditation and fasting during the most intense periods of his struggle to free the Indian people. When things get heated or stalled consider taking a time out to regroup.

8) Talk Until You Drop

People don’t allow enough time for creative conflict management. In our modern, instantaneous world we have lost our patience. If you have decided the conflict is worth your time and energy, make sure you allow sufficient time for management. It usually takes longer than we think to produce good fights instead of bad ones.

9) Circle the Wagons

When you reach an agreement or a creative solution, you need to go through some sort of closure process. Arrange a time in the future to review how the solution is working. Agree upon an action plan to accomplish the goals of an agreement and decide who does what, when and where.

10) Write to Avoid New Fights

Write down what you think you’ve agreed upon at various stages. The process helps clarify your own thinking as well as the agreement. We all tend to assume the meaning we ascribe to a certain word or discussion is the same for everyone. This one act will save you a world of hurt down the road.

These ten steps can provide a roadmap to lead you skillfully through using conflict to generate creativity. While you may not need to use all ten for every situation, it’s good to review them before you try to resolve an issue. Then, you’ll be able to see where you’re stuck and what you need to do to move forward. For complex disputes, you may very well need to work your way through all the steps with all the parties.

When Employees leave

People are people and so despite every motivator they will leave! They carry an enormous burden of perceptions, assumptions and self-esteem that combine to create a psychological carrying capacity. When the threshold capacity for psychological injuries is crossed, a tectonic shift occurs within the mindscape. The result is very often a precipitate decision: The decision to move on. A minor spark could be the proverbial straw which breaks the camel’s back; lo and beho ld, the resignation is on your desk!

Trust, sensitivity factors

It’s always a wrenching feeling when people leave; the feeling is intensified when top talent or long-time team members resign. If mutual trust exists, the person will share her thought process and keep you informed of the progress of her search for alternative employment. If trust does not exist, you’ll find out only on the eve of the person’s departure. That’s because somehow she wasn’t confident that you wouldn’t interfere with her prospects outside.

So if you didn’t know about your colleague’s impending departure you’d better introspective and ask whether you did in fact damage your relationship in a manner that compromised the other person’s trust in you. As a leader it’s your job to understand and sense changes in the mindscape of people around you. If you are blissfully unaware of the impact you leave on their psyche, you’re like a bull in a china shop! You don’t belong at the top unless you develop a deep sensitivity to people. Without that sensitivity you don’t have a hope of getting the best results from your team and your organisations.

Reasons are many

Sometimes, people leave when they feel suffocated. At other times they’ll leave because they don’t see where their careers are going. They’ll quit if they feel they are being taken for granted or humiliated, or hurt….the reasons are many and often unfathomable. It’s important to understand and respect that people have their own reasons for making major personal decisions.
You cannot demand a ringside seat at the mental drama that culminates in big decisions. And just because they decide without your input you can’t assume that they have made the wrong decision. Worse, you cannot cast aspersions on the new employer! That’s the surest way to reinforce the correctness of your colleague’s decision to quit! As a leader you have to stop expecting everyone to accept you as the fountain of all knowledge. You simply have to respect individual choices and priorities. What you can do is to provide an organisational environment that offers congruence with those choices and priorities.

How do you treat a person who has decided to leave? Assuming that he’s informed you adequately and clearly in advance and has cleaned up properly and that there’s not even a whiff of dishonesty, do you still convey trust and respect?

Or do you simply cut him off from routine information, meetings and activities? Do you disable his email id without notice? Do you ignore him? Do you organise a proper farewell? The answers to these questions can be quite revealing.

Psychological carrying capacity

Remember, the entire organisation is watching, with bated breath, how a person is being treated after he decides to leave. While nobody is willing to discuss it openly with you, be sure that everyone is drawing their own conclusions. They are all learning lessons and altering their own perceptions and assumptions. These are vital ingredients in that go into the making of individual psychological carrying capacities. Organisational motivation and, consequently, the capability to achieve results is critically dependant on the aggregate psychological carrying capacity.

If you’re the CEO or are in some other position of leadership, it’s imperative to get your internal balance right. You have to resist the temptation to control and manipulate everything. And you need to take a somewhat philosophical approach when people choose to leave. What better way than to surrender to Krishna’s cosmic truth when he says in the Gita : “agamapayino anityastham…titikshasva bharata….everything (and everyone) that arrives has to leave since it’s all impermanent anyway, therefore, O Arjuna, tolerate!”